I had surgery, a hysterectomy, on Wednesday. Everything went well, I’m healing nicely. I want to send out huge thank you’s to all who offered prayers, good thoughts and healing vibes. I firmly believe you all helped me get through something that was, if not very dangerous, very stressful, and I am grateful to each of you. In the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t earth-shatteringly important, but it did cause me some worry and anxiety, and it was a good lesson in how to cope.
I’m basically a healthy person, and surgery was last on my list of desirable options. Even though I work in healthcare, and understand intellectually that these procedures are safe and routine, the thought of surrendering myself to nurses and doctors I didn’t know freaked me right the f*** out was unsettling. I’m a Type A, something of a control freak and letting someone I barely know cut me open, while someone else I don’t know at all keeps me asleep and alive was not emotionally easy to accept. I spent most of the last month or so fretting. Yeah, it wasn’t very helpful. My mind knew that I’d be fine, I had no huge risk factors, but my emotions and fear-driven lizard brain were all screaming “You’re gonna DIE!” Sometimes calming the internal lizard can be
like trying to put out a volcano with a teacup a little challenging.
You’re all familiar with phrases like ‘give it up to God’ or ‘let it go’ or even ‘you create your own reality’ right? There are any number of self-help books, gurus and websites who tell us that the universe will give us what we want, we only have to ask. Have you ever read someone’s glowing report of how ‘the universe provided this’ or ‘I prayed and got my answer.’ But, how do we ask?
I had worked myself into a bit of a state. “What if they find something really wrong down there, something they’re not expecting? What if something goes wrong during the anesthesia? What if I have a stroke, or a heart attack? What if I die on the table?” Seriously, I thought every one of those things and more. I was worried about bad things happening during the surgery, and after; wound infections, internal bleeding, you know, sometimes having too much medical knowledge is too much. I was so nervous I would cry when no one was around, I worried, I even thought about cancelling my surgery. I stopped meditating, and that only made things worse. I reached a point where I just wanted everything to stop, I needed to make the right decision, but I just didn’t know what that decision was anymore. To cut or not to cut? Surgery would help, would likely cure what I had going on, but there was no guarantee it would fix everything.
And then, one day when I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a couple inspirational pictures. The gist of the messages were ‘you create your own existence.’ Something clicked within me. “Huh,” I thought, “if ever I needed to be able to create my existence, it’s right now.” Then, I heard my spirit guide. “You can do this.” She told me.
“Do what? Create my existence? That would be awesome, because I’m sure not liking how I feel lately.” I answered.
“Then, change it.” She said. “Here’s how.” She showed me; it was beautifully simply and incredibly hard; she summed up in one word, Trust.
What is it you truly desire? What reality would you create if you could?
I needed a perfect surgery and recovery, I needed for everything to go smoothly and easily, but I was expending far more time and energy worrying about, and visualizing everything that could go wrong, and being afraid.
The universe (or God, or whatever label you prefer) listens to us every moment of every day. This one point is key: The universe is always listening to you. Always. Now think about the day-to-day chatter that runs through your brain; what phrases do you tell yourself over and over? What does the universe hear you saying about yourself?
What was I asking the universe for? What was I telling it I wanted? Fear, pain, anxiety. I started asking for it months before my surgery, and it gave me exactly what I was asking for: more fear, more worries, more stress. Again, not very helpful. As my spirit guide said, I had to change it. It would take a conscious effort of will.
I took some time to rearrange my thoughts and tell the universe how I really wanted my surgery to go. I pulled out everything I had in my spiritual bag of tricks and put it into play. I smudged, I meditated, I spoke with my spirit guides and I poured Reiki over the whole process. The message I got back from my spirit guides was: “This will show you that ‘it’ really works, you really do create your reality. You can do this, but you have to Trust. Trust that this will really work, Trust that you can make this happen. You have to let go of all that fear and anxiety, and replace it with love and trust.”
When asking the universe for something, it helps to keep it short and simple. I adopted “Uncomplicated surgery and recovery” as my intention. I said it out loud, I visualized it in meditation, and I offered Reiki to it, frequently. If I found my thoughts creeping back to the negative, I brought them back into line by restating my intention. Even if you’re not a Reiki practitioner, you can meditate on and visualize the outcome that you want, the energy will get where it needs to go. When stating your intention, always keep it in the present, in the now. Instead of using “I will xxx” or “When…” phrase your request to the universe as if it already exists. In my meditations, I always say, “I am a best-selling author” never “I will be a best-selling author.”
Here’s the trickiest part: You have to let go of the outcome. Yes, you’ve spent all that time visualizing and asking and meditating, it seems counter-intuitive to then just ‘let go.’ We want what we want, or we wouldn’t expend the effort to try and bring it about. But if you get attached to the outcome, you start to attach definitions and restrictions. The more defined and detailed your outcome is, the more desire and want you attach to it, the less likely it is to manifest.
Think of it this way: I needed my uterus removed, but it would have been really stupid for me to try to tell the surgeon where to make the incisions, or how to operate. Even though I have a nursing degree, and a fair amount of medical knowledge, how helpful would it have been if I’d insisted the anesthesiologist only use one drug, or that he could only start an IV in that vein, never this other one? When you ask the universe for something, then try and tell it how to give it to you, it’s like trying to tell a surgeon how to operate on you. It just doesn’t work. You ask, then get out of the way and let the universe do it’s job; don’t try and micromanage!
I did everything I could on my end to ensure that surgery would go well; I started making better choices about my eating and exercise habits. I rejoined the gym, and was pleasantly surprised to find that, although I’d added quite a few extra pounds, I could still do a good 45-50 minutes of cardio. In the process, I lost 6 pounds! Yeah! If I worried, I repeated my intention, and I consciously made the time to offer Reiki daily. In the end, though, I just had to Trust, I had to let go of my control and allow the surgical team to do it’s job to bring about my ideal outcome. My stress level dropped amazingly, and I felt calmer, clearer and started to look forward to ‘the big day’ and how good everything would turn out.
Day of the surgery, and I feel the stress creep back in. It’s harder to find my calm, and I’m a little snippy with the admit nurse. I take a few moments to center, and I apologize. She was gracious and compassionate; blessings on her! I have a few quiet moments, so I ask my spirit guides to be near and they tell me “We’ve been here all along.” Their loving presence is comforting, and I relax. I smile and joke with the nurses and doctors. My surgery was robot-assisted, and no one got my jokes about being operated on by Toasters. How could it be there was not one Battlestar Galactica fan on my surgical team? Tragic. Hub rolled his eyes at me. “Give it up, hon,” He advised.
Then, it was time. The drugs started to flow and out I went. My last thoughts were “I trust that everything will work out for the best, and I accept whatever happens.” I woke up in recovery, I had wonderful care from excellent nurses, and I was home by 8:30 Wednesday night. As I fell asleep that night, safe in my own bed, my guides said, “Now do you believe us?”
It really does work. Try it for yourself! You’ll probably be surprised. Remember: Simple is best, and don’t try and imagine what the process looks like. Imagine the finished product and let the universe work out the details.
Reality check? I realize that everything likely would have gone off just fine, even without all my spiritual practices. I AM healthy, but my mental state…oh my! If nothing else, my meditating gave me calm acceptance, and it certainly lowered my stress, which decreases the hormones associated with stress, which reduces tissue damage and inflammation. Lots and lots of scientific evidence supporting this, as well as personal experience that demonstrates attitude is key to recovery.
Do you want to know the weirdest part of this whole experience? The pregnancy test. Even after I told them my husband was ‘fixed’ years ago, and asked, were they aware the surgery was to remove the baby incubator? Yes, go pee in this cup so we can make sure you’re not pregnant, or we’ll cancel your surgery. I guess the universe has a sense of humor too.
What have you asked the universe for? What kind of answer did you get?